The Diary of Jane
by Coza15
Summary: Songfic. Song performed by Breaking Benjamin. All his life, Peter has wanted to find his place in the diary of Mary Jane. Rated T for character death.


The Diary of Jane

Coza15

Peter Parker would be lying if he said he didn't feel a stir in his heart whenever Mary Jane Watson entered the room. It was a weird feeling, one he couldn't quite make sense of: like he would burst with happiness if she was too close for too long. They had been best friends for years. And she was such a pretty girl. Red hair and emerald eyes. He longed to ask her out, but he knew how dangerous it was. How dangerous being Spider-Man was. His two lives were already so closely intertwined that at times it was difficult to tell the difference.

He became so used to her popping up everywhere he went that he could sense when she would appear, much like his Spider-Sense ability. Now that he thought about it, it was like she was stalking him. Or rather, stalking Spider-Man. Because that was who he was for the majority of the times they met. Most of these so-called meetings were mainly her tracking him down to a rooftop at night. The first few times he merely leapt across the street to avoid her, but she was persistent. She followed him and it became so tiresome that he simply webbed her to a wall before he made his escape.

But she remained undeterred. In the end, he let her near him. She found him fascinating and he didn't have the heart to deny her the opportunity, especially since he found her just as enthralling.

It turned out she wanted advice. She figured since he could fling himself across the Manhattan rooftops with ease, he must be some sort of all-knowing being. He had no idea how she drew that conclusion, but he wasn't about to correct her. She asked for relationship advice. A guy at her high school was coming onto her too strong and he didn't seem to understand the word _no_. She wanted to know if he could do anything about it.

He told her he wasn't a vigilante or a hired gun. He didn't except contracts and he wasn't one to go around telling certain guys to stay away from certain girls. She told him she understood and let him be.

Spider-Man might not have been a hired gun, but there was no code of conduct that said Peter wasn't. A few days after she spoke to Spider-Man, Peter found her after school being harassed by Flash Thompson. Peter stepped in, hoping to help out and gain her attention at the same time, even though a relationship was out of the question due to his double life. He tried to discourage Flash and ended up calling him by his real name – Eugene – as a last resort. He ended up taking a punch to the gut for his troubles, choosing to let the blow land in case people grew suspicious. Puny Parker suddenly being able to dodge blows would have drawn too much attention to himself.

She was appreciative of his help, but she told him she did not need anyone to fight her battles for her. Peter bit back the retort exposing the irony of her running to Spider-Man for advice on the matter. She went on to tell him that he could have been seriously hurt, that it would have caused her a great deal of guilt and she had been anxious enough when he had stepped in.

Peter would have preferred it if she'd just called him an idiot.

She truly was an enigma. Maybe it was because she was a woman and he had yet to understand them altogether. Or maybe it was something else his bright mind had yet to think of. Trying to understand her took longer than he thought. He spent days deep in thought, staring into space. People noticed his absentness – at home, at school – but no one said anything.

Mary Jane began to avoid him. Whenever they locked eyes, she would wheel around and walk in the opposite direction, even if she had just emerged from the girl's bathroom or an empty classroom. She refused to answer him when he tried to talk to her and wouldn't pick up when he called her cell phone.

It came to Peter's attention that a rumour had begun to circulate about him and Mary Jane. According to the rumour, the two of them were in a relationship, which would explain and give motive for him jumping to her defence. Avoiding him was her way of disproving the theory and Peter was happy to play along.

Peter couldn't dwell on the negative forever. A new supervillain had surfaced and he had his hands full dealing with it. Some freak in green armour with pointed ears was setting his sights on New York. He called himself the Green Goblin. In a frantic battle, Spider-Man was shocked when the villain landed a straight jab on his nose. No one had ever landed a solid blow before. His Spider-Sense normally kept him five steps ahead. He froze in surprise and it was all his opponent needed to seize him by the neck and rip off his mask. It must have recognised him because it screamed his name in his face and left.

Peter became increasingly paranoid over the following days. His immediate thought was for the safety of Aunt May. But after watching the house every night as Spider-Man (completely ignoring two police cars that rushed right past him, sirens blazing), he was confident that Aunt May was safe. School was no less nerve-wracking. He started jumping at shadows and loud noises. Mary-Jane noticed. She tried to get answers out of him, but Peter clammed up and shut her out. He wanted to tell her – he really did – but it was too dangerous.

It wasn't enough. The supervillain attacked the school, laying waste to the entire building. Peter snuck away amid the smoke and flames and re-emerged in-costume to fight back. The Goblin was even faster than before and managed to half decimate him and his suit. But still the hero persisted, putting himself between the Goblin and the students, including Mary Jane.

There was a glint in Mary Jane's eye that he had never seen before. A glint of knowing. When the Goblin prepared to throw some kind of gas grenade, Spider-Man felt small hands shove him out of the way. He wondered why his Spider-Sense didn't warn him and then he realised. Mary Jane had saved him. There was no danger.

When the grenade exploded at her feet, green gas blew in her face. He was too slow to pull her out of harm's way. She went limp and fell to the floor, Spider-Man catching her just before she hit it. Her heart slowed and stopped. She died in his arms. There were no words he could have used to describe how he felt. No words.

He tracked down the Goblin and beat him to a pulp, beating him to within an inch of his life. There was no satisfaction. No feeling of accomplishment. It did not bring her back. Nothing could.

At Mary Jane's funeral, no one spoke. The procession was silent and afterwards, Peter stayed behind. He was alone beside her grave when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Mary Jane's mother, holding an inconspicuous book bound in leather. She said that it was Mary Jane's diary and that he should read it. Then she left.

The diary started as any diary should – documenting Mary Jane's life. But around the time Spider-Man debuted, the entries took on a different quality. The diary was filled with all things Spider-Man, including newspaper clippings and photographs. Peter recognised a few of his own. But on the final page was a shocking revelation. Mary Jane had sketched a face, half of it Spider-man's and the other half Peter's. She had known. She had known that Peter was Spider-Man.

Ever since Peter had met Mary Jane, he had wanted a place in her diary. Now he realised he had been in it all along. Taking a single rose from a nearby garden, Peter laid the diary on her tombstone, the Spider-Man sketch facing up. He laid the rose in the middle of the page and closed the book on it. Then he turned and walked away.

Away from Mary Jane.

Away from the diary.

Away from his place in it.

**I'm back, and this time with a song-fic. This was originally uploaded with the lyrics, but it was brought to my attention that this went against one of 's guidelines, so here is the lyric-free version.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Breaking Benjamin or the song The Diary of Jane.**


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